I don't like this. I'm heartbroken. I can't seem to get over this. I think of you every day. I hurt every day. I grieve every day. I cry every day. I see you, sitting on my chair in the living room smoking a cigarette and watching Emmerdale with me. I see you sitting on a stool in my kitchen having a cup of tea. I smell you, your tobacco, I hear you, saying "don't cry beloved". I don't like this but I don't want any of it to go away. I like you near me. I like it when you put your hand on my shoulder. I like it when you wipe the tears away from my cheeks. I like when you kiss my forehead. I like it when you sit on the end of my bed. I like it when we share a pot of tea. I like it when we share a flask of tea at the cemetary. I feel you are in my house more that up there and I like that too. I miss you more than anyone knows or cares. I want to always miss you. And I want you always to be here with me. Love you.xx